Saturday, July 16, 2011

Does Anyone Like Me? (One last chance to win some Brooks)

Have you checked out my giveaway?  (not the point of this post btw keep reading!)

Today, at temple, I read from the Torah.  For those of you who are not so versed in Judaism, that mainly means that I read Hebrew in a sing-song fashion to the congregation.  To read from the Torah is considered a very important thing and an honor. Not everyone can do this, because a) you have to know how to read Hebrew; b) you have to know how to read the notes to the Hebrew and c) you have to know how to read Hebrew without the vowels (very hard!).  This is a very nerve racking event because its not like you can just get it wrong and move on, but instead each word you say most be perfect or you must repeat the word. To say I was nervous, is an understatement.

Someone said to me after, "you looked like you were being led to slaughter"

I have been practicing my lines for weeks with the help of a tape and Aaron's father.  I actually thought that I was doing ok until Tuesday night that is.  When Aaron began trying to help me and noticed all my errors eek (i am proud to say today I was error free).  I immediately started to lose confidence and freaked out and marched up the stairs calmly called Aaron's dad for help.

But I made it! With my horrible voice and all and even got wonderful comments like "You are an inspiration" (not sure if that is because I was an inspiration to get up there with this voice, I don't think so..I hope!)

If you know me in person, you know I am anything but shy. And I would like to say I am a pretty confident gal and I am.  I am the first to network, first to go for the job, and first to raise my hand if I don't understand a question in school.

But there is a part of me that shines through sometimes when I am uncertain or insecure, here in Torah it was me being extremely nervous and worried, in running it comes through when I don't know how my run will go (and it went ok today YAY), and in blogger world it comes through in whether I will be accepted....

I love blogging and in the short time that I have been doing it, I have felt that I have "met" some amazing people and even done some cool things and I can't wait to do more and meet more people who are all wonderful and welcoming!  But there is always an uncertainty that I feel.  I think it comes from not being the "cool kid" in middle school or high school but rather the kid with the braces and glasses and eh a bit overweight (until my Junior Year at least).  I had an amazing group of girlfriends and I loved that time in my life but I was never "cool" or fit in with that group (and never wanted to be).

Blogging is kind of like that for me in sense, it is not so much the "cool kids" that will never let you hang out with them but there are the big, well-known bloggers and little, newbie bloggers like me.  Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that these big bloggers are like those "wonderful" cool kids in high school.  But rather that I still get that uncertainty..will they like me?  will they reply to my comments?  will they read my blog?

And so far, its been great.  I can't believe when I get tweets from the "popular" girls and they care and know what is going on in my world.  Wow! I guess I am not in high school anymore!!!  But I have still got a long way to go to totally fit in and have the blogging world know me and like me enough to stop by my blog just because and read a post or two but on my way towards this journey the uncertainty still hits home - "nobody commented," "why did not so many people read my post" a little voice says.  But as I continue this journey, I guess I have to let go of my insecurities and let people like me just for me...

Let me know your thoughts and gain an extra entry into my giveaway (or just let me know because I love to hear from you!)

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