Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Baby B - Week 18

So it seems like I never get to these posts on turn over days (Thursday) but I will work with what I have got. And this week thankfully I have got lots of energy this week (ironically however not right now, right now I can hardly keep my eyes open even though I went to sleep at like 8:30 last night and slept until 6:30 - go figure).

Week 18

How have I been feeling?  Full of energy this week!!! It has been wonderful to feel as close to normal as I could possibly hope for this week. I will take it.  Granted this energy is a bit short lived and usually energy is from 7 a.m. until about 3 p.m. when I start to majorly crash, but honestly I will take anything I can get.   So I am very happy with it minus today where I feel extremely tired (Baby B must be busy because I am majorly tired at this moment).  The swollen foot thing has also been lingering.  I talked to my Physical Therapist about it yesterday and he worked some magic and made me feel so much better. 

How have I been feeling emotionally?  Happier for sure! A lot more normal and like myself, which makes me in turn a lot happier.  But there are lots of things changing or potentially about to change over here so I have also been excited, nervous, anxious etc.  Otherwise though happy this week - yayyyy!!!

 And how can you not be happy when you see signs like this - thank you!

Cravings/Aversions:  Hmm not so much this week - major plus!! I still wish I could eat all the tuna fish in the world but don't worry I am abstaining.  I had tuna two times this month and think I will continue to be neurotic and wait until next month to enjoy another serving.  I also have gotten the O.K. from the doctor to have turkey and other cold cuts, but just have not had the nerve to do it.  I just don't know if I really want to chance it, but I am rocking the pasteurized goat cheese - its pasteurized, its fine in my book.  In even better news, we only ate out once last week!  This is amazing compared to my first trimester where I demanded chinese, pizza, and thai every other night - our bodies and our wallets are thanking us.

Exercise:  Has been amazing this past week!  I have had some "normal Stephanie" elliptical workouts and runs!  I have also walked a few times at work during lunch and done some weight training.   Even this morning, where I really did not think I had it in me, I ran with Wubby outside for 5 minutes until he dragged me back to the house and then banged out a good/hard 3 miles on the elliptical still rocking the Mind over Matter theme.

Doctor's Visits:  We had a big one!  The gender one!  But I think that might deserve its own post! I know I am cruel, but you all probably don't care that much anyway.  Be back tomorrow or the next day with the big gender reveal.

Dreams:  Another "it's a girl" dream!  I dreamed that our baby came early (dear Baby, don't do that, come on time) and labor was super easy and yet at the least minute I wanted the epidural and out popped our baby girl.  It felt so real, but the clue should have been that labor was super easy and did not hurt at all - hmmmm, if only.... Pregnancy dreams are crazy though, they seem so so real!

Who else has some good crazy baby dreams for me?

Friday, June 22, 2012

Today's The Day!

Today's the Day!  Will our baby beluga whale be pink or blue?!!?

My first true stab at cookie decorating, be kind...

We could find out as early as our appointment today at 2:30.  But I have some dorky cookie surprise fun planned to add to the excitement so we won't know until after dinner.  Is 3 p.m. an acceptable dinner time?

Any guesses blue or pink? I asked Wubby today and he went with pink ... I think so too.  Hopefully the little boy or girl will cooperate and give us a good picture. But above all, this is hopefully our last major screening for certain diseases and just praying for good test results.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Running - Mind Over Matter

I have been working all week (I know it is only Wednesday but this week seems to be dragging...) on the whole mind over matter thing and last night I decided I really wanted to put this to the test with some speed work.  I have not done any speed work since maybe February, but I have had a ton of wonderful, welcomed energy these past few days (followed by very tired nights and mornings) that I put my mind too it and started pumping myself up.  Turns out all I needed was a good motivational pep talk from my running buddy to really get me going.

So this morning I jumped out of bed cuddled with Wubby and Aaron, lazily got out of bed, ate some food, and eventually found my way to the treadmill.  By the way, one of the things I am really enjoying is my new morning agenda.  I am still getting my workouts in but not having those 5 a.m. wakeups is such a nice change and not rushing to the treadmill while gobbling something quick is also an added bonus (I know, I know, enjoy it while it lasts right?) So once, I completed my lazy normal routine I headed to the treadmill.  I honestly wanted to go outside on my trail, with shocker my Garmin (which has not been on my wrist since the end of February) but one step outdoors and I knew I should play it safe.  It is going to be 103 degrees today.

I set the T.V. to Dawson's Creek (yes you heard me) and the treadmill to 8:57 and started out. The goal two miles under 9 minutes.  To put this in perspective, I have not tried to do two miles in under 9 minutes since getting pregnant and I have only been able to do one mile at 8:57 sparingly.  Or so I have been telling myself.  It seemed hard, that first mile, but I was determined telling myself


and then I did it Mile 1, which only meant it was time to push harder - treadmill down to 8:49 and things got harder (in a good way, nothing babywise felt off).  I concentrated on Dawson's Creek, and started the games with myself telling myself just get to 14 minutes and you will almost be there, only a few more laps, think of all the times you have done this.

Somewhere around 1.5 I told myself you are half way there! What?!?  That's right, I decided to up the ante, I no longer wanted just 2 miles, I knew I had 3 in me and even though that seemed like a hard sell when I got to the 2 miles, I push myself again and quickened my pace to 8:34!  And now the countdown really began, 8 mins., 7, 6 etc.  And then we were almost there 2.75 when I decided forget let's just go for 3.10.  That extra little push.  So I did, ending with a very happy 27:14 and a happy red, smiling face!!!

 I am getting "sooo" good at taking my own pictures, huh?

To celebrate just a little more, I grabbed Wubby, put on his leash, and we went off running together probably to add another 1/2 mile or so to the fun.  And you know what? The whole thing felt great, normal, wonderful!!!

I feel, for today anyway, so ready to get back into it. I feel motivated to push myself, to push faster (but only safely) and to enjoy some fun races - I feel more like myself than ever and that is kind of nice.

I don't know if it is the change of mindset or if I have transitioned to feeling the energy burst of the second trimester that people rave about or if it is a combination of the two, but I am just going to keep at it and running is only going to help me do so.  Now granted, I realize tomorrow I may be down for the count and the next day too.  But I am going to push as hard as I can to get passed these sickness feelings.  Sometimes, honestly, I do not feel it is possible, but for now, when it seems to be I am going to run with it.

How do you keep yourself going?  

Monday, June 18, 2012

Baby B - Week 17 (.5)

Ok, I am a little late on this update as I am actually 17 weeks 4 days right now but depending how you like to count it I am pretty much right on time for an update.  And the best updates come on days on doctor's appointments, right?  So let's see what I can make of it.

17 weeks!

How have I been feeling?  The game changer this week has been heartburn.  I did not even know it was heartburn.  I never had heartburn before and thought that I was eating too much because I felt like I wanted to vomit but kind of only in my throat.  After dealing with it for days, Aaron was finally like wait that sounds like heartburn. Dr. Google confirmed the diagnosis.  I tried Tums and at first loved them, but by the second try they did absolutely nothing so the doctor recommended Zantac which I will try tomorrow with my yogurt because yogurt seems to be a major cause of my heartburn which makes me sad.  Otherwise, I think/hope that I am getting some energy back as exhibited from my weekend activities and the fact that I am blogging at 8:15 p.m. I am actually thinking of running outside tomorrow morning, I know, unbelievable!

Smoothie Tums!

Emotionally, how am I feeling otherwise? This week has been an emotional roller coaster.  Monday through Thursday I was pretty much just pissed at the world!  I could not understand why I was still sick (do you ever really know why) and what really pissed me off is I could not figure out what to eat.  I could not find a thing to eat and I was just so mad that I could not have the things I wanted - turkey and tuna fish (more on this later).  By Friday, I was just sad.  Sad that I no longer felt like myself, felt normal, felt happy.  In comes Saturday's run and "Project Normalcy"  an attempt to return to normal life as best as possible and feel happy.  It has been pretty successful so far.  I even got through the whole work day today pretty well and ventured to two supermarkets to buy materials for dinner getting me home at 6:15.  It is now 8:30 and I am still up and typing - that is a big plus for Project Normalcy.  When I went to the doctor today though, she reminded me that it is important to experience all the emotions I am feeling as to not let them build up.  I completely agree but also think I am just ready for some happy emotions!

You can't tell but I am rocking color coordinated jewelry and - shocker - makeup today!

Cravings/Aversions:  Cravings getting less and less and aversions as well although I still hate the smell of coffee and onion bagels.  I have been craving tuna fish (but not acting on it don't worry) and turkey.  Also today I was craving my favorite fig and goat cheese pizza.  I went to the doctor and she gave me the green light as long as the cheese is pasteurized.  She did not even require the turkey or other deli meats to be heated, but I will anyway.  I promptly ran to the grocery store after work - annoyed the sales clerk five times to ensure that the label read pasteurized (yes I even took a picture to confirm with Aaron - neurotic much?) - and bought myself some goat cheese and we had goat cheese and fig pizza for dinner OMG, best pizza ever!! You can sense my excitement.

I promise there is pizza under this whole mess of salad but hey look at all the salad I ate!

Exercise:  The best exercise this week for me has been Saturday's run and Sunday's elliptical workout. I took my head out of the gutter and got my mind back in the game and surprised myself with how well I did.  I am excited, after today's much needed rest day, to get back at it.  I want to incorporate more upper body training into my schedule because after holding my friend's baby for all of two minutes, I have pretty much decided I am screwed and need to buff up quickly.  But I am told that this will happen naturally once I have the baby so don't worry.  Otherwise, I am exercising my mind as much as possible.   I am on a reading frenzy trying to get through as much of these baby books as possible.  I feel like I take up a new topic every few days most recently has been cord blood banking and introducing Wubby to the baby.  Now I am reading about all things breastfeeding.

Doctor's Visits:  One today :) and a happy one at that. I love hearing the baby's heart beat.  The doctor said that it sounds as if the baby is moving a lot even though I can't feel him/her yet.  Cannot wait to feel Baby B moving about!   Another visit Friday to find out the gender!!  I want to do something fun and exciting to find out the gender  (although I think Aaron is thinking I am big crazed on this)  - I am taking suggestions.

Dreams:  I had my first real baby dream this week!  I was holding a beautiful blue eyed baby girl who was starring up at me all happy.  Pregnancy dreams are so vivid.  They are incredible.

Alright, it is time to get into bed and do some snuggling with the Wubs if he will calm down to let me - he is currently running back and forth hoping that Aaron will pay attention to him instead of finish working.

The opposite of Wubby now was Wubby this morning when he was too tired from Sunday's outing to do anything.  We were worried about him.

How did you have your baby's gender revealed?  What is your view on all things soft pasteurized cheeses and deli meats?

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Project Normalcy

If you have followed my little blog at all in the past year or so, you will notice that the last four months have been well...quiet and not the norm.   Instead of my regular once a day posts, its more like once every two weeks if lucky.  This "non-normal" theme goes further than just the blogging world.  It has been true in most of my life lately, which has been anything but normal.  I get that things are going to be changing drastically and then what is normal really?  But at this point,  as I am trying to find joy in pregnant life and less wallowing about sickness, I think some "normal" is just what I need.  All this sickness has kind of got me down in the dumps.  I kind of just get through my days right now and go home and sleep.  This honestly has done nothing for me emotionally. And thus I knew it was time for a change...

So starting this weekend, I put mind over matter.  My good friend has been harping on me about this all along and I have just not wanted to listen honestly or maybe felt like I could not.  But I am hoping  I am at a point where I can really instill this mind of over matter thing and return to some sort of normalcy and start enjoying the fact that there is a little Baby B growing inside of me.    And this weekend, knock on wood, it actually did work.  I credit this in large part to my first stop Saturday morning - a run with my running buddy and Aaron.  It felt so good to be back out on our trail, talking and running.  Just so normal.  So refreshing.  It made me so happy.   And of course, in true running buddy fashion we went a whole minute faster in average pace than I did last week.  Why?  We both agreed mind over matter.  While we were out there together, I was not letting myself get into my head but instead enjoying the time and pushing myself just enough.  Overall - major run success.

Yay for red faces post running

I pretty much rocked the runner's high after that - cleaning, doing laundry, finishing a puzzle, and then heading into the Boston area to bake cookies and have dinner with friends.
I think this is the first puzzle I ever did all alone.  It is missing a piece, I am pretty sure Wubby ate it.

Soo good....so hard resisting eating more.

Pea Pesto Pasta OMG!  The first thing that has not given me heartburn in a week, I will be making this again this week.

 We did not even get home till about 9:30 p.m. - pretty much an unheard of time for me and thus a major success.

Today - I woke feeling like I had been "hit by a bus," which is what happens lately when I have too good of day the previous day and am therefore down for the count and drained the next.   So I pushed myself to sleep a bit more and then, mind over matter, got up and did the best half hour on the elliptical I have done in the past four months, followed by an awesome time at temple softball (yes don't knock it until you try it), trips to two different grocery store, more laundry, sugar cookie making (for a baby shower I am helping to host next week), and dinner making.

See all those greens?  Are you impressed - actually looks normal and well rounded for once! 

Are you tired yet?  I know I am.  My feet are throbbing.  I can hardly keep myself from falling asleep.  But I have a smile on my face and two chocolate chip cookies in my belly so I would say Day 2 of Project Normalcy is a major success!  The real test will be the work week.  I tend to have a lot more trouble with work than on the weekends.  Aaron is worried that Baby B might have gotten a slacker gene.

How do you push mind over matter?

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Honest, Somewhat Shallow Truth about Comparisons

As the title of this post indicates, I am going to try to be as truthful as possible with you guys on this post and in effect truthful with myself.  And if I am being all "noble" and honest here, I kind of want to say that I feel sort of shallow and ashamed of myself for feeling this way lately.  I struggled to get pregnant - not as long as others - but I did and I am nothing but happy to be pregnant and I will do whatever I need to protect Baby B and that includes pushing all such below mentioned thoughts away from my mind and doing what is best for the him/her (? - we will know the gender next week!).  But yet, when I am being honest with you all and myself those thoughts lurk and they kind of suck and are also sort of a part of life pregnant or not.

So what am I talking about?  Comparisons. Comparisons can get one into a lot of trouble, most of the time.  Sometimes they can be good and put things in perspective. For instance, twice I have been, well if I am being truthful, whining about being sick while Aaron and I are out and about and then up walks a person (once even a little girl) who clearly is undergoing chemotherapy and WHAM that puts me in my place.  Sure I am nauseous.  Sure I am tired.  Sure my foot swelled up like a balloon for no apparent reason last night but at the end of this G-d willing we will have Baby B.  It is all worth it!  It is a good thing.  When I think about someone going through cancer treatments and experiencing some of the same symptoms and fighting for their life, it reminds me to be grateful and to SUCK IT UP or at least look down at my belly and remember how awesome this whole thing really is.   Don't get me wrong, this can be very controversial.  I would rather no one be sick with cancer and be have no one to compare too.  The whole thing, well just sucks!

Compression Socks, not just for running. Although they made my feet swell more, why not?
Maybe I need to do more of these types of comparisons these days or something of the sort. Things to remind me how lucky I am, to put life in perspective!  Actually, I think I am going to officially make that a goal for myself this week.  Every time I compare in the negative or cry about how sick I am, I will think how lucky I am because it is really a truly wonderful reason to be sick and recall all of mine and others infertility battles and be grateful.

 Don't Worry, Be Happy!

I am going to try to do this, instead of the comparisons I have been making of late.  And they go something like this

"she is pregnant and running a 7:50 mile, which used to be a fast mile for me and now my fast mile is 8:57 and I can only keep that up for a mile at best"
"She is pregnant and looks so cute with her baby bump, and I just look fat"
"She is pregnant and the same week as me or further along and I am definitely looking bigger than her"
"She is pregnant and glowing and I have this nice amount of pimple action going on all on my neck"
"She is pregnant and not sick and still in her first trimester, and I am still sick in my second"
"She is pregnant and not nearly eating as much as I do"

These types of comparisons really get me nowhere.   Actually, they do get me somewhere - into "Wallowsville" or whatever you want to call it.  Either way, it is a negative way of thinking and it is not one I usually engage in.  I am not generally looking at others and comparing.  I don't generally mind if you are faster, thinner, smarter or "fill in the blank" than me.  I am happy with who I am and the life I lead.  These thoughts don't generally enter into my mind.

So why now?  Why such "wonderful thoughts?"  It may be because I don't really have a rubric per say.    Rubric a.k.a control.  I don't know truly how much my body needs to eat, how much weight I need to gain, how fast I can run.   Every pregnancy is different.  Sure there are those books that are going to tell you you need X calories per day or you should gain X amount of weight.  But there is no book on YOU!  You have to figure it out on your own through a TON of trial and error - that is not always the most enjoyable experience.  So thus the comparisons.  And then of course the other reason (because this is clearly the root of all factors) is that I have just been so sick and when you are constantly sick for 4 months and live in a world revolving around 7th Heaven and Dawson's Creek reruns (no judgments) your mind does crazy things.

Regardless, it is time for a change.  Time to use comparisons for the right reasons.  Time to reflect and be grateful and time to stop comparing!  This pregnancy is different from any other pregnancy. I have to write my own book about it and I have to find my own way through it and that is OK.  It is OK that I am not like anyone else, that is just how it is and I am grateful and need to remember that. So...

Challenge Accepted!!

 How does this relate? I don't know other than Wubby is too cute waiting at attention when he hears the garage door open and knows its DADDY!

Do you find yourself getting trapped in the comparison game? How do you get around it?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Baby B - Week 16

Last night as I was relaxing in bed before I fell asleep (you know like at 7 p.m.), I was reading through my old blog posts and it got my semi-motivated to blog, actually pretty motivated but it is hard to find something to blog about these days when my motivated has been slim. I have, however, really wanted to blog about all things Baby B for some time now, but this whole motivation/fatigue/sick thing really wins out time and time again.  But, there are sometimes, albeit few and far between, where I feel "normal," and thus here we are attempting a Baby Blog post (at least in between trying to get Wubby to go to the bathroom - a full time job).

Bedroom takeovers 

I have thought a lot about how to integrate Baby B stuff into the blog and still balance with some running stuff, but there is no real way to balance right now.  People tend to do a lot of weekly updates so I am shamelessly stealing from some of my favorites (Jen, Michele, and Liz and there may be more than weekly updates, we shall see, hope you will hang in for the ride!

Week 16

How have I been feeling and where in the world have I been?  How do you go from blogging every day to blogging once in a blue moon you ask? Get pregnant! Best way to put everything and anything on hold, at least if you are in my pregnancy body.  I have never ever been good at relaxing. Why do you think I went to law school?  I am total Type A, most do everything be involved in everything person. 

Well, Baby B has had other things to say about this.   I have learned very quickly the lessons all moms already know - your life, your body, your everything are no longer your own.   So instead of my usual "Go, Go, Go" I have to take a big break from life my fast paced life in exchange for some high quality time with my couch and bed.  I have never watched so much TV shows and movies in my life.   To sum it up, my pregnancy symptoms have pretty much left me too sick to do anything other than lie in bed and rest. Back rubs during this time are, however, allowed and encourage.  So what are my actual symptoms thus far?  Before going into this, I just want to say that I am thinking of all my infertility friends right now and want to be sensitive to them.  Also, I don't want this to be construed as complaining because I would take it any day but this is just my experiences and I can't say they have all been pleasant but I would not change them for the world.
  • Nausea - lots and lots of nausea - like 24/7 nausea. Oh how fun!  Whoever named it morning sickness was clearly a guy.  It does not just happen in the morning and it does not get better as the day goes on - at least for me.   I know you will tell me your tricks but believe me we tried them and they either (a) did not work at all or (b) just caused other problems.  My doctor told me at my 14 week appointment to just adjust expectation because she had no more ideas for me.  We tried Unisom (which made me crazy sleep and loopy), Zofran (constipation in the sense that no one should ever have to deal with), all types of ginger products, small/frequent meals, crackers...yea you name it.  Mainly I just have to deal with it.  I found that eating food that "coats my stomach" (e.g., greasy food) helps - so I took one for the team and upped my french fry intake ;).   Luckily the other thing that helps is exercise. So there is a balance there.  At this point, it has gotten a whole lot better (knock on wood).  Oh it still happens.  My body likes to tell me if it is hungry (all the time) or tired (all the time) by getting nauseous, it also does not like cars.
  • Fatigue - I like to call this the "Hit by a Bus" Symptom because that is how I feel especially when it is paired with a massive headache which I can only describe as migraine like.  I sleep about 10 hours a night.  I get in bed at around 7 and am asleep by 9/930 (this is a big improvement only a few weeks ago I was asleep at 8).  I sleep until about 6/630 (a few weeks ago it was like 7:30).  When I wake up, it takes me at least a half hour to get out of bed.  On not so good days, I can't fathom the idea of getting out of bed to do anything.  My legs feel like lead and the idea of getting up and taking a shower sounds impossible.  On "ok days," I feel ok until about 12 and then I am so exhausted and keep asking why we don't get nap time at work.  I end up eating every hour to get through.  On good days, I make it to 3 or 4 before I am so ready to climb back into bed.
The three of us cuddling, can you tell?
  • Constipation/Stomach Cramps - TMI?  Sorry, it is a fact of pregnancy life so I am giving you the whole picture. I will spare you further details of how I have had to deal with these things but I think the thing that helped the most for me was understanding how to eat while pregnant and adjusting it as my body adjusts.  For a time, I broke up my meals and ate them throughout the day because really big meals equaled 48 hour stomach aches (literally).  It does mean apple  juice every day (apple juice is pretty much my answer to all things constipation).  Also changing the times I eat so I never get too hungry - breakfast is at 7:30 and 8:30 (usually I break it up),  lunch is at 11:30 and if I can help it dinner is around 5:30 with lots of snacking in between. 
  • So before this post gets too long other symptoms have been: major headaches, bigger and sorer breasts, stuffy nose (although that could be allergies), and enhanced sense of smell (do not come near me with a cup of coffee or else).  To sum it up, I am a typical pregnant woman and I pretty much let you know it as I am not so good at dealing with some of these symptoms (THEY HURT), but I would not change it.
This is totally my happy pregnancy face!

Emotionally how am I feeling otherwise? Wow this has been  roller coaster ride and I have to admit I am pretty scared of roller coasters.  Generally, life has been about surviving.  Surviving feeling so sick and so tired.  Then, there is a good amount of nerves stemming from my inability to take care of Wubby. I have tons of trouble taking care of the Wubs (puppies are difficult!) and this has pretty much translated into me deciding I will never be able to take care of a baby.  I am trying to turn this around and above all else learn patience with Wubby.  I think patience is the best lesson that Wubby is teaching me right now.  I wish I could say thus far I am experiencing so many joys of pregnancy but so far it has just been HARD.  I am so happy to be pregnant and do not want to complain in any way shape or form but so far I have had a difficult time connecting and experiencing the joys of pregnancy and more just battling through.  Growing a baby is hard stuff!  Right now I am taking one hour, one minute at a time.  And reading lots and lots of baby books!

Looks so innocent, so little, so calm.  Don't be fooled he is strong and has a full list of tricks!

Exercise.  Not so easy when you are a 100% fatigued.  Life in the running world is much different and sooo much slower than before.  But it is all relative and it is worth it - generally working out makes me feel better, more alive, and less sick! Bonus!  I take exercise as it comes and do what I can do when I can do it.  I also don't wear a Garmin or worry too much about time and distance. I let my body do what it can and just go with it. 
  • Monday: sick - no workout
  • Tuesday: sick - 30 minutes sloooow on the elliptical
  • Wednesday: 40 minutes on the elliptical?
  • Thursday: 10 minutes on the elliptical, 2 miles in about 17:30 minutes, 10 minutes on the elliptical; 45 minutes of walking
  • Friday: 1 hour of weights
  • Saturday: 5 plus miles in ?? about a little under an hour
  • Sunday: we shall see.
Week 14

I could go on and on especially since this is the first update.  Have I lost you yet?  If not, thanks for making it this far.  

Now I have a question for you, I am looking for good pregnancy and young mommy bloggers that I can follow, have any for me to follow?!