I would like to tell you that my plan from yesterday went well and that I had the best run ever because I took it slow and everything fell into place. Well, I did take it slow, but everything did not fall into place. Instead, the run yet again went like this:
Start, commence huffing and puffing. Stop. Catch Breath. Start again a little slower. Legs feeling sluggish. Stop again. Start again a little slower. And on we went until we got to 4 miles. It was not pretty...
Of course, I did not take it well. Commence massive text messaging to Robin as soon as I completed to workout and a lot of use of the word:
FAIL!
So for what seems like the millionth time in the last few weeks, I need to reassess. After talking with Robin, we both agreed that my body might be telling me a thing or two. Maybe that I am exhausted or sick we thought? But I feel ok. More likely that I am emotionally spent, tired, and overwhelmed. Yup, that sounds about right. I realized today that is has been 3 weeks since I first went to the doctor and he told me to "sit on my butt and eat french fries." Since then, my life has been through for a loop. Can you tell from my crazy blog entries lately? I promise to be a bit more upbeat tomorrow and actually get around to my 11 Things Post, I promise.
Today, I spent a good amount of time talking to this wise lady and we had a little blogger therapy where all signs again pointed to the need for me to RELAX, SLOW DOWN, & BE POSITIVE. This has been so hard for me. I want a GRAND plan. I want to be in control. But I also really really want a baby. So I guess I really do need to relax and slow down. In again comes the question of whether the crazy emotions and poor runs are telling me that I am still doing too much. If a strict training plan with hard workouts are still too hard to get where I need to be. There remains many unanswered questions and things I cannot control and honestly I hate that.
Ultimately, I am still not sure what I am going to do and where I am going with this and that kills me. For right now though I am taking this time to contemplate and reflect. When my tests comes back, my doctor and I can make a better plan and I might have to make some big decisions involving running yet again.
But for right now, I will take some wise advice and for the next 24 hours find 5 moments of joy and write them down and relish in them. I will continue to contemplate my options but I will work hard to not let it consume me. I will strive to relax and be positive...
Do you ever stop to think about moments of joy? How do you relax and let go of control? What do you do if you are in a running slump?
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