Whatever it is today, I am back to being the strong, "Challenge Queen" that I know that I am. A very good friend reminded me this week of who I am. She explained that when life throws my challenges I step up to them. Something clicks for me and I just do it, full on. What others may struggle with. I grin my teeth and bear it.
A year or two ago, I was faced with such a situation. And it kind of went like what happened yesterday. When I was told that I needed to face my challenge and that it was for my own good, that yes I would have to make scarifies but ultimately I would be happier and healthier, I cried. Even though I wanted to be happy and healthy, the idea of this challenge was preposterous to me. I could not do it. I would not do it. So I cried, I felt sorry for myself, I fought and then I talked to friends, found comfort in family, and faced my fears. Again and again I looked challenges and stumbling blocks in the eye and told them to go to HELL! While at my support group this week, I was questioned on how did I do this. Being asked this question was so humbling. It made me feel so good. I realized how much I had been through and how much I have accomplished.
Don't mess with me, seriously. I take these Amazing Mazes down like no other
Today, I remember those challenges. I remember how when I was told to stop exercising that I did. Something in me then clicked. I knew what I wanted and needed to do and the stars aligned to allow me to do so. I was very very lucky, but I was also very strong and took to my challenge like the "Challenge Queen" my friends have since dubbed me.
I have had my "woe is me time" and while I am not saying this will never come again (stay tuned Monday for my next appointment), but now I am ready to face life, the world, and whatever it has to throw out me. I have a bracelet I use for challenges like this is has on it the words
Wisdom, Faith, Tranquility
For my earlier challenges, Aaron and I thought this was most appropriate. If you take just the initials, can you read between the lines. In the past, while trying to be peaceful, I was also taking my anger, using it to my advantage and making it determination. Something along the lines of this situation. While I am trying to relax, be hopeful, and accept, I am also determined. Determined. Determined - WTF Infertility. W.T.F! I am not taking this lying down so be ready for a battle. And I am going to win in one way or another. Because we will have a child. It may not be tomorrow or a year from now or two years from now. It may be biologically ours or not but either way we will have a child that we will love and care for.
So it is Friday and I am calling GAME ON! So come on Mr. Amenorrhea (with your very hard to spell, still have to Google name) try me. You think that adding a few pounds and taking away my running is going to break me, well then you have underestimated me.
It is Friday. It is a day to smile. Leave me a message, tell me how you are determined, how you preserve or why you are smiling today.