Yesterday, I put on my pants for work and they seemed a little....snug. Today, I put on a different pair of pants for work and again they felt a little...snug. If this had been me two years ago, it would have sent me into, to be honest, FREAK OUT MODE! I would have run to the scale to see if my brain was playing tricks on me, if the dry cleaner's had magically shrunk my pants (hmm...it is not like they are jeans), or if worst of all, I had actually put on a little weight.
Ok this has nothing to do with this post but it is like my new favorite picture so why not.
Instead, today, I jokingly said to Aaron that I guess I am gaining weight, laughed and brushed it off. I did not run to the scale and I did not obsess. In fact, I have not weighed myself in over 2 years (minus doctor's visits and I ask them not to tell me, it is a number and it does not define who I am or what my day is going to be like). I made the wise-minded decision that my body was once again fluctuating or that my mind was in fact playing tricks on me, and then I went on with my day, for the most part. At one point, I did let myself admit to Aaron and Robin, that no matter how much I have learned to respect my body and leave numbers alone, it is a bit scary to feel as if I have gained weight. Maybe it is the lack of control or the fear of growing larger and larger (again control), but the idea of it can be unsettling.
In today's world, it seems that all too often we are fixated by numbers and weight. Society and the media have taught us that to be healthy, happy, and beautiful you have to be TOO skinny. To fear weight gain like the plague and feel bad about ourselves if we are not the ideal body type. This conditioning has translated into an epidemic of skinny jeans, low calorie snack options, and fad diets. I am not saying that all of these things are bad - I have my so-called "skinny jeans" which come out for the right occasions, but it also makes me sad, sorta. Sure, it is good to have a handle on your health and with that comes a handle on your weight (meaning being a healthy weight for your body type), but at the same time it is sad that a number or particular body type can determine so much.
Today, I am proud that I could move on with my day and my life. That yes it did bother me a little but I did not freak out. I did not decide that I needed to run extra hard tomorrow or eat less or differently. Instead, I took it in stride as something to notice and be aware of. Maybe I have gained a few pounds, maybe I have not. I don't know. I do care, I am not going to lie, but I know that I am happy, healthy, and beautiful. I know that I can continue my day, my week, my month and see what happens. Maybe, I will need to reassess my exercise and diet, and maybe I won't. But overall, it will not dictate my life and I will not be a slave to numbers.
Still happy and healthy, pizza and all :)
I would love to know what you think. Do you freak out about numbers, scales, and weight? How do you move past it?