Friday, February 1, 2013

Running Rejuvenated

I have not been a mom for too long yet, so I do not pretend to know any or all of the secrets to being a mom (in fact I pretty much learn from talking to other moms), but in the few weeks since Lee's arrival I have quickly realized how difficult a job being a mommy is.  Babies are a lot of work!!! I know people joke about this - about not getting sleep, about not having any time, but seriously babies are really really hard!  You really give 100% of yourself to these little human beings and it is not an easy thing. Somewhere in the middle of the 11 p.m. and 3 a.m. feeding sessions and lots of crying (sometimes me more than the baby), I started to lose a bit of myself.  As soon as you give birth, you become mommy 24/7 and there really is not time for anything else in the beginning.  In those early weeks, if I ate breakfast by 11 a.m. it was a miracle, if I showered before 6 p.m. or at all even, it was a blessing and a gift.  All of this takes a very heavy toll on a person.  That is why babies have to be soo darn cute, otherwise we may all go insane. Don't get me wrong, Lee is an excellent baby and I love him.  I also have a ton of help from Aaron, but it is still a big life change and hard stuff.   Did I mention being a mom is hard? My hat is officially off to anyone who is a stay at home mom - a job I consider the hardest one out there.

I may be biased but so darn cute I can't take it

I did not realize until today how much a part of me was missing.  Buried deep, forgotten due to lack of sleep, round the clock feedings, and continued diaper changes was a part of me that was a little lost.  A part of me that makes me, well, me.  That makes me feel happy, energetic, and alive.  Lee makes me feel these things too, but there was another part I was missing, that I have been missing - it is the runner in me.  It is the person pre-pregnancy that you know through this blog that loves to hit the open road, that loves a challenge, that loves to RUN and RUN HARD!  I set out on my trail today.  The trail that I trained for my marathon on, the trail that I run with my favorite running partner, and the trail that I know oh so well that I don't even need a watch to tell me what mile I am at.  And as I ran, I really felt like I was flying.  Cliche? Maybe.  Blame the hormones.  But just listening to my music, being on my trail, it all came flooding back to me.  A part of me that I had forgotten and was so happy to be reunited with!

Ooo right I love running, can't you tell?!?

Like I said, I have not been a mom for too long but I have already learned in order to be a good mom you have to make some selfish time for yourself and I can not think of anything better than hitting the open trail and remembering what it was like before I was Mom.  To have something just for me, to have time to be myself, to forget stressors, demands, and priorities and just focus on the task at hand.  Sure it is extremely difficult for me to run even 3 miles right now and it hurts like Mile 25 at a marathon hurts, but it is my medicine, my release,  my rejuvenation, and my gift to myself.  To allow myself that alone time, that time to just be me and to then be able to come home refreshed and renewed to some very cute men!

How do you take time for you? Do you feel guilty taking time for yourself?  Is it hard to find that time?