Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Honest, Somewhat Shallow Truth about Comparisons

As the title of this post indicates, I am going to try to be as truthful as possible with you guys on this post and in effect truthful with myself.  And if I am being all "noble" and honest here, I kind of want to say that I feel sort of shallow and ashamed of myself for feeling this way lately.  I struggled to get pregnant - not as long as others - but I did and I am nothing but happy to be pregnant and I will do whatever I need to protect Baby B and that includes pushing all such below mentioned thoughts away from my mind and doing what is best for the him/her (? - we will know the gender next week!).  But yet, when I am being honest with you all and myself those thoughts lurk and they kind of suck and are also sort of a part of life pregnant or not.

So what am I talking about?  Comparisons. Comparisons can get one into a lot of trouble, most of the time.  Sometimes they can be good and put things in perspective. For instance, twice I have been, well if I am being truthful, whining about being sick while Aaron and I are out and about and then up walks a person (once even a little girl) who clearly is undergoing chemotherapy and WHAM that puts me in my place.  Sure I am nauseous.  Sure I am tired.  Sure my foot swelled up like a balloon for no apparent reason last night but at the end of this G-d willing we will have Baby B.  It is all worth it!  It is a good thing.  When I think about someone going through cancer treatments and experiencing some of the same symptoms and fighting for their life, it reminds me to be grateful and to SUCK IT UP or at least look down at my belly and remember how awesome this whole thing really is.   Don't get me wrong, this can be very controversial.  I would rather no one be sick with cancer and be have no one to compare too.  The whole thing, well just sucks!

Compression Socks, not just for running. Although they made my feet swell more, why not?
Maybe I need to do more of these types of comparisons these days or something of the sort. Things to remind me how lucky I am, to put life in perspective!  Actually, I think I am going to officially make that a goal for myself this week.  Every time I compare in the negative or cry about how sick I am, I will think how lucky I am because it is really a truly wonderful reason to be sick and recall all of mine and others infertility battles and be grateful.

 Don't Worry, Be Happy!

I am going to try to do this, instead of the comparisons I have been making of late.  And they go something like this

"she is pregnant and running a 7:50 mile, which used to be a fast mile for me and now my fast mile is 8:57 and I can only keep that up for a mile at best"
"She is pregnant and looks so cute with her baby bump, and I just look fat"
"She is pregnant and the same week as me or further along and I am definitely looking bigger than her"
"She is pregnant and glowing and I have this nice amount of pimple action going on all on my neck"
"She is pregnant and not sick and still in her first trimester, and I am still sick in my second"
"She is pregnant and not nearly eating as much as I do"

These types of comparisons really get me nowhere.   Actually, they do get me somewhere - into "Wallowsville" or whatever you want to call it.  Either way, it is a negative way of thinking and it is not one I usually engage in.  I am not generally looking at others and comparing.  I don't generally mind if you are faster, thinner, smarter or "fill in the blank" than me.  I am happy with who I am and the life I lead.  These thoughts don't generally enter into my mind.

So why now?  Why such "wonderful thoughts?"  It may be because I don't really have a rubric per say.    Rubric a.k.a control.  I don't know truly how much my body needs to eat, how much weight I need to gain, how fast I can run.   Every pregnancy is different.  Sure there are those books that are going to tell you you need X calories per day or you should gain X amount of weight.  But there is no book on YOU!  You have to figure it out on your own through a TON of trial and error - that is not always the most enjoyable experience.  So thus the comparisons.  And then of course the other reason (because this is clearly the root of all factors) is that I have just been so sick and when you are constantly sick for 4 months and live in a world revolving around 7th Heaven and Dawson's Creek reruns (no judgments) your mind does crazy things.

Regardless, it is time for a change.  Time to use comparisons for the right reasons.  Time to reflect and be grateful and time to stop comparing!  This pregnancy is different from any other pregnancy. I have to write my own book about it and I have to find my own way through it and that is OK.  It is OK that I am not like anyone else, that is just how it is and I am grateful and need to remember that. So...

Challenge Accepted!!

 How does this relate? I don't know other than Wubby is too cute waiting at attention when he hears the garage door open and knows its DADDY!

Do you find yourself getting trapped in the comparison game? How do you get around it?

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