Thursday, April 26, 2012

Infertility Awareness Week: Don't Ignore

So I admit it, I am not a very good infertility blogger or whatever you want to classify me as because I did not know until reading this very wise girl's post yesterday that this week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  But ever since I found out, I have been thinking about how best to write a post about Infertility Awareness, specifically  revolving around the theme of "Don't Ignore."  I read some of the other posts that were posted on the National Infertility Awareness Week's website and just got all choked up.  I do not even believe I can do this topic justice next to these courageous women who have battled year in and year out to make their dreams of having a family come true.   These women and their partners for that matter are incredible and inspiring - in fact, you are better off not listening to me ramble and just go read their posts.

So then what do I have to add to the topic?  I am not sure.  Just kind of what I know, and that is not much, which is kind of my point of this post.  Before battling infertility, it was not really on my radar whatsoever.  I did not look at other women with or without children and wonder what their stories were, what they had gone through, how much they had suffered.  I was never aware of the online support system complete with amazing women and bloggers who would help get me through some very hard times.  I just did not know - people did not talk about it and I did not know or think to ask.

Then, it happened to me, and all of a sudden the first person I wanted to reach out to was Jen.  I had never really spoken much to her minus a blog comment here or there, but from the moment of my first email to her, she was unwavering in her support and empathy.  I admit, at first, I did not want to share.  I thought it was too "personal" for the Internet.  And there in lies the first problem.  If it were any other disease, I likely would have told you all, but some reason something of this nature seemed like an unspeakable topic.   It did not take me too long of suffering in silence to open up - to be honest to you all and myself about what my family was going through.  Once I opened up, it was incredible the response back I received, particularly the amount of women who raised their hands and said Me Too, I have battled too.  They shared and continue to share their success stories with me and their sorrows and tears and give me strength to keep going.   And I have come to realize that I am not alone and that in fact 1 in 8 battle infertility - it is your friends, your boss, your neighbors, the people on TV - all around us courageous men and women are going through hell to have a family. 

I have to say that I have learned a lesson or two here.  Only several months ago, I would fit into the camp of people this campaign is trying to educate, I honestly still do in many ways.  I did not know - I did not know even think to know.  This makes me very sad.  But now knowing what I know, I will never forget and I implore you all to take notice.

I am not sure what to say now honestly. Battling infertility is hard stuff and it sucks. I do not want to preach to you all about what you should or should not do with this information.  That is your choice and it is a personal one that I want to respect.  But hopefully this post gave you something to think about, to consider.  If you would like to learn more, jump on the National Infertility Awareness Week website.  With that, I guess I will let it be.

Thank you to everyone for not ignoring me over the past few months. For letting me tell my story - for listening to me with good news and bad and for just being there, for continuing to be there.  I can't thank you all enough. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Happy 1st Birthday!

Well since I am awake about two hours earlier than I need to be and not ready to face the elliptical and/or treadmill yet (shocker), I figured what the hell, twice in one week.  And no better day than today to post because today is apparently my blog's birthday - Birthday Number 1 - in the books, today.  I wanted to have a big party in celebration.  But no one seemed interested....I can't image why

A Sleeping Wubby

So instead, I spent the weekend picking up some variety of yummy desserts to choose from for the occasion.  You always want to make sure you have choices so you know, in the end, you can eat them all - or is that just me...maybe don't answer that one.

They were selling these to raise money for Breast Cancer research, I clearly had to by two and I am thinking one might be a good lunch today (I never said this was a healthy living blog)

Whole Foods was just selling this, no good cause, but it was Key Lime Cheesecake - need I say more

So O.K. back to the point, today my little blog turns one which means I have been blogging for a year - not so long compared to many other bloggers but a good amount of time and energy, for me anyway.  I started this blog to fall back in love with running, to make some good running friends, to make a running fun, social event.  Over the year, I have certainly felt that I have accomplished this and much, much more.  I have not just made good friends, but great friends.  I have met people from all around the U.S. and have had a blast.  While I could not be more thrilled with the results, I could never have imagined how much I would have needed blogging (or the people that have come with blogging - bloggers and readers alike) to get me through not only tough runs, but life's joys and struggles as well.  

Running Partners accept you even if you are a little crazy and swear to Run for Fun (even when you don't)

In all, I owe a lot to this little blog and all of you.  I know I have not been the most active lately - working on that - but I could not image life these days without all of you.  So thank you so much for all your support throughout the past year.

What does blogging or reading blogs mean to you?  

Saturday, April 21, 2012

5 Miles Proud!

Hi all.  Remember me?  I am not sure if anyone is still out there reading but for once in the past few weeks (because its been a while if you have not noticed)  I actually feel like posting so I figured what the hell as I sit here and do some much needed icing after a 5 mile run that I might actually do something that I consider "normal" for a change.  So more on where I have been and where I am going at a later date but for now, for once, lets actually talk about running because I did actually start this blog as, shocker, a running blog.

Lately, running and I have changed our relationship yet again.  I have been slowing down and relaxing my running with good intentions for a while.  But while they might have been good intentions,  it was hard to accept.  Hard to watch my times get slower, hard to see my "running dreams" slip away even in place of newer more exciting ones.  But over the past couple of months, something has happened - acceptance.  Something I thought I would never be able to do and has become easy and almost a way of life for me.  The Stephanie from a few months ago did not understand life without fast pace running, lengthly long runs,  and clear running goals.  It would not have made sense to her not to get up and work up a sweat and make sure to check off all her training plans.

I was a very very serious running

But as time as passed and as my body has pretty much made me slow down,  change has come and finally acceptance has come too.  I never thought I would feel this way but I am totally O.K. with what running has come to mean for me these days - which is honestly not much.  I try to get in about 5 workouts a week but they are just what they are and most are not running.  I get my body moving, I do what I feel and what I want and it is SLOW (for the Stephanie in the past anyway).  And that is totally and completely fine with me.  In fact, sometimes I can't even comprehend the need to run a race or push past a goal (I know shocker).  Maybe it is because things are changing, priorities are different, I am different, but for right now it is what it is and that is O.K.

I truly believe that when you are a runner you are in a relationship with running (go with me on this one, o.k?)  and that relationship can and do go through cycles.  For the first time in my life, running is not the center of my attention.  I am  running when I can, when I want, and how I want to and unbeknownst to me I have actually come to enjoy that freedom.  For once in my life I am not looking to get faster, race harder, and exercise more.  Instead, I am just being, well, sort of "normal" I guess.

Which brings me to today.  Aaron had to run 5 miles.  I wanted to run and felt like I could, so I tagged along.  I did not know if 5 miles was in the books for me - its been over a month since I have run that many miles at once (which seems totally crazy).  We set out.  I found my stride.  It felt good, enjoyable, doable.  And it just so happens that I ran the whole 5 miles.  It took me 52 minutes and it was not easy.  To say my running has changed is probably an understatement.  Last year, at this time 5 miles took me 37 minutes and if it took me 52 minutes to run 5 miles I might have had a nervous breakdown about it.  But not today, today I am proud of those miles.  Happy that I accomplished them and excited to see what is next.  Will I run again this week? Maybe.  I don't know.  But I will do what I can and be proud, happy, and content with that.

Ok not the best picture but I did just run 5miles..

Ok here is a better one when I am actually showered, you know. Oh I cut the hair...finally!

Well, now that I have rambled enough for everyone might as well leave you with a cute picture so that this post is not a total wash right?


Been missing everyone, tell me how you have been?!?

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

On Motivation & Being Just Good Enough

Once upon a time, I was a very motivated person.  You should have seen my day planner in high school - yes I had a day planner in high school.  I had to balance Varsity Swimming, Captain of the Forensics teams, Girl Scouting, tutoring, President of the Gourmet Club, USY, Literary Society.  So yea, I had a planner and maybe I was just a little bit of a dork as well.  I have pretty much continued my motivation into every part of my life thus taking two bar exams, running, blogging - you name it.

But lately, I have not been my motivated self. Case in point there is a very strong likelihood I will never even publish this post as it has taken me a good 20 minutes to get this far.  I get started, feel motivated, but then give up.  Yup that sentence just took another 5 minutes.  O.K. this is not turning into an award winning blog post by any means.

I agree Wubby, I agree.

Anyway, here is the problem.  Normally lack of motivation is not really that big of problem.  Just ride the wave and respect that maybe your body is telling you to SLOW DOWN.  However, there is this little Jewish holiday coming up on Friday called Passover.  Have you heard of it?  And it is pretty much the antithesis of laziness.   If you are not too familiar with Passover, it is that holiday where you can't have bread.  Ring a bell now?  Anyway, if it were only as simple as not having bread.  Not only are you not suppose to have bread, but you are supposed to clean your entire house and free it from all products grain and grain like and switch dishes to your Passover dishes.  In short it is a ton of work.  Oh yea, you also have these two nights of Seders, which we happen to be hosting for just a close group of 15 people.

Passover is no joke.  Passover 2005?

Now don't get me wrong.  I like and respect Passover. It is a really important Jewish holiday.  But here is the thing about Passover and me being extremely unmotivated are not fitting together so well. So  here we are T-minus 72 hours pre-Passover Seder and nothing is done. Ok, well we got the food shopping done on Monday, but yesterday we were suppose to clean all the dishes etc. and instead I laid in bed and watched Lipstick Jungle and ate two very large cookies....yea I know...And tonight, well tonight is not looking anymore promising.

Luckily I know Aaron will come to my rescue and save the day (Aaron if you are reading this please please help me with a cherry on top).  Also some wonderful guests are bringing some great dishes and treats to take some of the load off of us.  And Dad is bringing wine so that will be good because then my motivation will go from zero to less than zero.

Anyway point being whatever it is, it is.  Sometimes things are what they are and are just going to have to be good enough.  Will we have a meal? Yes.  Will it be good? Yes.  Will we use my grandmother's Passover dishes? Yes.  But will it be perfect? Not by any means.  Will it follow every rule to the "T?"  Very unlikely.  But sometimes life happens and you can not be perfect, you just have to be good enough and accept it for what it is.   I have spent my life trying very hard to dot all my "i"s and cross all my "t"s and in essence obtain perfection.  But lately I realize more and more perfection just is not going to happen and so I will be good enough.  And hopefully that will be O.K. for the 15 other people at our Seders Friday and Saturday night.

How do you deal with lack of motivation? Are you o.k. with things just being "good enough?"

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Welcome Wubster

We have been pretty busy around here and have had a pretty full weekend not leaving much time for blogging. I started to blog yesterday but life and a puppy got in the way. Needed more time for cuddles and less time for the Internet - balance right? 

So I will try to do a little catch up here.  We picked up Wubby on Saturday and quickly made him a member of our family.  We had to drive two hours to pick him up and Wubby had been driving for 15 hours already.  But he was still such a good puppy and just hung out in the car and let me snuggle with him the entire ride back.

Put Wubby in the car and he goes to sleep

Since then, Wubby has been surprising us constantly with all his cool tricks.

At first, he "could not" go up the stairs.

 maybe he just liked being escorted carried up and down the stairs

 Now all of a sudden he goes up and down the stairs like he owns the place.  He also did not seem to have much of an ability to reach things high up. We quickly found out that this was not the whole truth when we left food on the table for a moment and all of a sudden both of Wubby's front paws were on the table.  We could also not tell how potty trained he was as he had two pretty big accidents (not his fault) on Sunday but all day yesterday he told us exactly when he needed to go out by walking downstairs to the backdoor and waiting. 

Aaron works at home.  Apparently, Wubby has gotten used to this quick.  This morning after he was fed, he went right to his spot by Aaron's desk ready for the work day.  He also seems to be very interested in my work day attire what is under my work day attire, especially the skirts.  Overall, he is such a calm loving dog. He loves lots of cuddles and head massages - just like his mother.  He is very content sitting on the floor next to us or going out for a quick walk. All in all he is a great dog and a wonderful addition to the family :)

You and me both Wubs...YAWN